[SATIRE]

“Give him enough rope and he’ll hang himself.”

That’s an old saying that’s been around for years. It means that “given the opportunity, people will incriminate themselves.”

He is “hoisted on his own petard,” which means “to be harmed by one’s own plan to harm another person, essentially falling into your own trap.”

I was in Washington D.C. the other day and I saw them building a gibbet. It was the one they had put up to “Hang Mike Pence,” but now reinforced for a heavier occupant.

Then I heard a drum roll.

Then I saw a procession, a heavy man dressed in prison garb, a sign hanging from his neck that said, “GUILTY.”

A crowd gathered.

The guilty miscreant climbed the steps with difficulty, slipped and fell and crawled and stepped onto the platform.

The noose was fitted over his fat head and tightened around his fat neck.

He carried papers from his doctor, verifying his official weight. 212 lbs.

One hangman said, “He looks heavier than that.”

The other said, “He has the documentation. It’s stamped and signed by himself. He wouldn’t lie or cheat about something like that, would he?”

The first hangman said, “We’ll soon find out. The rope is rated for 500 lbs. at a slow pull.”

They both got off the platform as a prudent measure of self-preservation and pulled the lever.

A cheer went up from the crowd.

The trap door under the victim fell open, the body dropped and the entire platform collapsed.
The rope broke and the extra-large body hit the ground and bounced.

He struggled to his feet and waddled away.

The two hangmen looked at each other.

One said, “Wrong method.”

The other said, “I told you he isn’t human.”

[/SATIRE]