They say how you look says a lot about you.

I think that’s true. Experience has convinced me.

Maybe that’s partly why I’m awkward around other people. Too often we seem to disagree about appearances.

They say, “I’m keeping up appearances.”

I say, “You shouldn’t.”

“Where should I wear this?”

“Nowhere.”

“When should I wear this?”

“Never.”

Sometimes people overdress to show their “fashion sense.” I don’t know them well enough to be honest with them. I can’t tell them they made a mistake in judgment. Their fashion sense makes no sense.

There are people who want to look like the newest thing. They say, “Nobody’s ever looked like this.”

I say, “I can see why.”

They say, “I’m the latest thing.”

I say, “Too late.”

The awards banquets are a case in point. People like to dress bigger and bigger. They’re going to dress so big they fill up the room and then there’s no more room for people to notice them.

Sometimes they drag a longer and longer train and you see it stretch down the aisle and out the door and down the street. The train has left the station and roams the city.

Sometimes you look at a fashionista and say, “Why bother?”

They say, “It’s no bother.”

You don’t believe them. It bothers you.

They say, “I’m making a statement.”

You ask, “What are you saying?”

They say, “It’s beyond words.”

You say, “I can think of a few.”

People go to fashion school to finger fabric and collect rhetoric. They learn to sneer. “That’s no longer in fashion.”

You say, “When was it ever?”

“It’s my fashion sense!”

You purposely mis-hear and say, “Five cents, maybe, ten cents, no.”

They correct you, “No, sense!”

You say, “Yes. No sense. Nonsense!”

You say, “We have therapists to help you accept who you are without needing to cover it up or pretend.”

We sympathize with the old joke:
Crowd at the strip club yells, “Take it off! Take it off!” and then immediately yells, “Put it back on!”

For some people fashion is an excuse.

But sometimes there’s no excuse.

And I don’t want to talk about it anymore.