Ladies and Gentlemen,
it is once again
my privilege and pleasure
to host this year’s Miss Awards.
As always, we’ve added
new categories
because
there are more misses
than ever before.
We have Miss America
waiting in the wings
to award the winners
and I just want to say
at the outset,
“I do.
I do Miss America, I do.”
With that said,
and no further ado,
here are a few
of the new,
and too
many others to
mention:
The perennial favorite
Miss Take
(applause)
and her half-sister
Miss took.
We have of course
Miss Appropriate,
Miss Represent,
Miss Tify,
and Miss Tery.
Joining us this year
are Miss Apprehension,
Miss Construe,
and Miss Direction.
Ladies, take a bough.
As you all know,
The end is in the beginning
and this is the beginning
of the end,
so let’s begin.
As always,
you may see
unexpectedly
appear
Miss Pronounce
whose appearance
as Miss Spoke
is Miss Siri.

(applause, cheers, groans)