saw Pather Panchali again last night
after sixty years
I’ve been pushing it
on my list to watch
they finally gave in
for just a very few dollars
I remember back
seeing it the first time
I was working nights
to earn a little more
money for the family
assistant manager for Stage One
in Riverside that showed the foreign films
the whole Janus collection
curated for the best
like mining for gold
finding and following the vein
and I with the keys
to open the doors take tickets
heat the popcorn drop the money
into the safe I didn’t have
the combination for
and carrying the canisters of films
heavy up and down the stairs
projection room to the front door
for pick up and delivery of the next
and saw all the films
of that time the best
in all the languages
so many black and white
and avant garde
that came to smaller towns
the probing of the depths
experimenting with the edge
trying nudity not yet
comfortably enough
to make it look appealing
and great directors offering their best
and I remembered that first time
Satyajit Ray
being overwhelmed by life
and death at the edges
and I was young and fresh
and unprotected
and everything was new
and now tonight after a great meal
of Nepalese food
from Aangan in Berkeley
trying to stay awake
because for me
food is soporific
and I nodded off only a few times
but saw most of it again
and it’s all so much of life
and Ravi Shankar’s genius with the music
as each scene fades into the next
cumulative relentless
joy and hope and loss
and people we get to know
and care about
and share the living of their lives
we lose ourselves completely
as the movie tears us apart
and leaves us open
to life we didn’t know
I remember those accounts
of official attempts
to censure and suppress the film
because it shows the poverty
they tried to deny
and the whole world in adulation
and acclaim of breaking cinematic barriers
that go directly
to the heart of truth
you watch it and it leaves you changed
Kristina said
the saddest movie I’ve ever seen
and I said wait wait
there’s more
it’s a trilogy
I gave no spoiler alert
except to hint like life
there’s always more
and I say to anyone
reading this
if you haven’t seen it yet
see it
and if you have
see it again