I don’t usually go to the fights
to see two grown men
punch each other into submission
like politics
but this time there was
TV and an empty seat and
a friend said
“You gotta watch this!”
so I went
and our national Prez home contender
waddled out in spandex
I thought there was an earthquake
but no
just his belly shaking
and a little man
clenched between his teeth
his mouthpiece
whispered “Smile”
and then “Don’t smile”
and his handler in the corner
started to say
“Go for it”
but only got as far as “Go”
and the judges all lined up
on his side ready
to call the fight
fixed foul
and the referee from Russia
called out the opponent
Shrek
that big guy
from Canada
and his little donkey friend who
went to his corner
like a Democrat
and the bell rang
and the fight began
they tried punching
but the arms were
too short the hands in gloves
too little
so they clinched
and squeezed
faces averted
as gas filled the arena
and the bell rang
to save the audience
doors opened fans fanned
air conditioning in overdrive
and the cheer squad
came out
for less than half time
and Shrek’s squad
chanted
“Dump Trump!”
and
“Shrek! Shrek!
Don’t break his neck!
Just make him bend
and him forfend!”
because Shrek like Canada is
a Gentle Giant
but once angered
is a Giant
and a faction in the audience chanted
“If it walks like a lame duck
and squawks like a lame duck
it’s a lame duck!”
and the police handcuffed them
and dragged them out
and on the other side this side
I’m embarrassed to be represented by
the cheer squad came out
“Rah Rah Ree,
Kick him in the knee!
Rah Rah Rass
Kick him in something that rhymes!”
the squad supporters holding cue cards
because nobody remembers words
and our bloated champion-wanna-be
sprawled panting over
his chair in his corner
his handlers exhorting
“You can do it!”
and the Russian ref
brought him a pick-me-up
and the judges shuffled their feet
beneath their robes and looked at each other
and people left early
and they called it a draw
and our corner sitting guy said
“I won!”
and Shrek still standing
spread his Canadian arms
and said, “Eh?”