Good question.

I’m taking what I think of as an extreme example to test the limits of the law.

People do thought experiments. Some people do. I do too. Sometimes.

I can test the boundaries and get down to the nitty gritty.

People still use that term. It’s in the dictionary. Look it up.

So I imagined a Civil Rights case.

Lawyers. Arguments. Judges. What if?

Do snakes have the right to go to school?

With schools the way they are these days, I don’t know the answer.

Sounds extreme. But that’s where you test things, at the boundaries.

Then, if you have to pull back and change your mind, at least you’re mapping the territory.

In my projection, there are lawyers on both sides. I seem to be both.

And, apparently, I’m the Judge. I have to convince myself.

I don’t feel qualified, but that doesn’t stop anybody in the real world where I live.

Affirmative: “We’re all God’s creatures.”

Negative: “But snakes aren’t even people. And our laws are.”

Affirmative: “So you’re discriminating?”

Negative: “Yes, apparently.”

Affirmative: “Are you a bigot, yes or no?”

Negative: “Not that big.”

Judge: “Please take these proceedings seriously.”

Negative: “Seriously? Ok, Ok. I say no.”

Affirmative: “Look, snakes can learn, just like us. They can do tricks, like rise up out of a basket. And they’re cuddly. They mostly just curl up and sleep all day which doesn’t bother anybody.”

Negative: “They don’t even speak English!”

Affirmative: “Some do. You say go away, and sometimes they do.”

Negative: “They don’t belong in school. They’re like a loaded weapon. They can go off and bite to kill.”

Affirmative: “Not always. And they usually warn you first.”

Negative: “They’re just like the kid and his father who come to school with guns and shoot the class.”

Affirmative: “Snakes can only do one person at a time.”

Judge: “Do you have witnesses?”

Affirmative: “Yes, Your Honor.”

Judge: “Well, bring ‘em up.”

Affirmative: “I’m swearing in my rattler, my anaconda, my garter, my King snake who’s harmless, unlike…”

Negative: “Stick to the topic. Don’t politicize.”

Judge: “I agree.”

Affirmative: “Here, let me show you. Get up there and curl up on the Judge’s lap.”

Judge: “Uh…”

Affirmative: “I’ve seen movies of squirrels and chipmunks driving rattlesnakes away by kicking sand in their face.”

Negative: “You would. Are you saying you yourself could handle a snake like a snake handler?”

Affirmative: “That’s not the issue. I don’t have to go to school myself to know how valuable school is.”

Negative: “Was.”

Affirmative: “Here, Judge, pet my anaconda. See how it likes you and wants to hug you. Drape my boa around your neck. It’s like a feather. Just don’t let it squeeze.”

Negative: “Your Honor, I object!”

Judge: “So do I! I call for a recess!”

Affirmative: “You would.”

Negative: “Look, we’re this close to wrapping things up. Let’s finish this and not postpone it indefinitely until next year or later. We need closure.”

Judge: “Who’s the Judge here?”

Negative: “Whoever’s told to be and is paid the most.”

Judge: “Order! Order!”

Negative: “If only! I wish!”

Affirmative: “Can’t we agree on anything?”

Judge and Negative Together: “When’s the last time you were in court?”