I went to the hardware store they’re trying to reopen after the disaster.

I said, “What do you have to get rid of mold? We had roof damage. The rain came through. There’s this one room that got wet and now, if you don’t close the door, mold smells all over the house.”

The guy said, “Close the door.”

I said, “Is there some spray that can attack the mold before I close the door, that’ll work in absentia?”

He said, “Well, there’s this new product. We don’t carry it, but we can order it for you.”

I said, “Please.”

He said, “Okay.”

Two days later I got the call and went to pick it up.

It was a box, about a foot wide, with the logo “Mold-be-Gone” and a subscript, “Call the army.”

I took it home, read the directions, put the box in the room, pushed the button, and closed the door.

Then I went outside and went around the house to look in the window and watch it in action.

The box top opened by itself, and little army men climbed out and started to work. They were crawling all over the floor and up the walls. Their faces were down with their mouths open. They were eating the mold.

Some of them were jumping up to catch the mold in the air.

They crawled under things, lifted them up, to get to the hidden mold.

They went to work on the shelves. They took every book, flipped the pages, ate as necessary, cleaned the shelves and replaced the books.

It was like a miracle, with more little army men than I could easily count.

They held up a banner, “Your Government at work.”

Then they all climbed back in the box and closed the lid.

I went in the house and opened the door to the room. There was no smell. The mold was gone.

I took the box and put it out by the curb for trash pick-up.

Normally the trash truck only picks up what’s in the bin, but the government apparently has made a deal with the company. They sent me a notice explaining, “Your tax dollars at work.”

I never knew the government does so much.

It’s like I’m back in school learning civics, ready to graduate into a world without mold.