Light on the conference, easy on the press, unless I press the press with pressure to express how much I impress them.

See what I did there? They call it a play on words. I like to play. Words, not so much, sometimes. It’s my writers. I get the best writers. Nobody has ever. They write stuff for me to say so I’ll sound like I know what I’m saying. I don’t even have to pay them. They don’t know that yet, but they will, they’ll find out. I never pay for what I can get away with not paying for, like contractors and builders. Everybody knows about that. But they don’t dare get back at me by building bad and it might fall down, because I know where they live, and their family.

It’s hard to find good help these days.

But me. It’s all about me, it always is. You’re here to hear me speak some words and tell you the latest whatever.

This is the latest whatever.

And you love the sound of my voice, you do, you know you do, you just can’t get away from it, because I know where you live.

Everything I say is gold. Like my escalator, the ceiling, my toilet. Wherever I sit, I leave a trace of me, something for you to remember. Any questions? Yes, you, you there, you sir, what’s your prepared question? Yes, I’m feeling fine. No, that’s just rumors. Fake news, you know about that, your whole network, how did you get in here? Sergeant Officer, escort this “man” out the back.

Who’s next? Yes, everybody does love me. How much? More than anything.

What happened to that last guy who was escorted out the back? You won’t see him again.

Yes, ma’am, little lady, lookin’ good, what’s your question? How do I do it? It just comes natural. I’m just gifted with success, nobody has ever, what’s that? How long can I keep it up? That’s a disrespectful question. Sergeant Officer, escort this ugly woman out the back.

Next?