I’m still in high school, but I can do it. I can run for President. And I could win. I don’t even have to pass my driver’s test to get a driver’s license. I’m not old enough to get a learner’s permit, but I can still run for President. I could get my school to have a civics class on how to run for President. If I win the election, I would probably get an A in the class, maybe A+. I say probably, because the teacher decides. He might not like me. But if I win, I could have him removed and put in prison as an enemy of the state.

There are lots of things I could do if I was President. I could make my parents clean my room instead of the other way around. I could get my driver’s license without even having to take the test. The Supreme Court is already on my side, but I could make them unanimous. I could make them wear better clothes.

I could change the national anthem to something easier to sing, something with a beat you can dance to.

I can give jobs to all my friends so they can run the government with me so I won’t have to work so hard.

I could make girls give in.

I could spend money any way I want, lots of money.

I would never have to worry about anything, and make everyone be nice to me.

I better get my friends busy to make clubs all over the country so I can get elected. They can be student lawyers who don’t even have to graduate from high school, because the Supreme Court says it doesn’t matter, people can’t enforce things against me unless they get 2/3 to say so, and people keep saying that’ll never happen. My friends can get their parents to vote for me by saying they’ll do their chores, so it’s worth it.

I can live anywhere I want, in a big house with a pool, and lots of servants, and hamburgers cooked right there in the kitchen. I can get girls to live with me and have children if I want and not if I don’t and we don’t even have to get married. And I’ll never have to pay for anything.

And if I don’t win the election I can say I didn’t lose and it was rigged and all I have to do is get some people to agree and then I can do anything I want and I’ll put my friends in all the courts so nobody can go against me.

That’s my plan and it’ll work because the Supreme Court is already on my side. I can’t lose.