I met the Devil today. He was walking around Altadena, checking on the aftermath of his fires.

He said he was bored just sitting around in Hell with the same old same old. He wanted to get out and stretch his wings.

He told me he was especially proud of his success burning down Altadena. This community never welcomed him and actively kept him out.

He’s looking forward to new residents, new recruits, fresh blood. Already scalpers are buying empty lots for pennies on the dollar. He looks forward to a new Altadena built, he hopes, in his own image. He expressed frustration. Altadena is stronger than he realized. He’s afraid we might drive him back to Hell.

He said, “Been there, done that. But now the world is readier for me. Especially America. They’re going to Hell in a handbasket.”

He told me he has rooms reserved in the White House. He’s on Presidential speed dial. I was not impressed. I said, “We knew that years ago.”

I asked him, “Why are you bothering to talk to me?”

He said, “You’re a challenge.”

I said, “How am I doing?”

He said, “I may have to go back to Hell empty,” and he slunk away down Highland Avenue, dragging his forked tail.