Of course they haven’t.

They’ve been waiting for me.

The whole world’s been waiting, and now I’m here.

I’m what everybody wants.

I’m the Lord King God Emperor and don’t you forget it.

I wave my hand, and things disappear. People. Books. Facts. Laws. They don’t stand a chance.

I control objects. I can hit a ball into the trees and it comes back out and rolls on the green. I win the tournament every time.

I have the money. Enough to bend people, enough to make them break.

I want more money. I want it all.

I do business from my house. I cut corners. I make people get in line.

I’m smart. Nobody has ever seen anybody as smart as me. My mind is a steel trap that has snapped.

And I’m a great athlete. Nobody has ever jumped to conclusions like me.

Nobody has ever lived as good as now under me. They don’t need more eggs or dolls. They only need what I tell them.

People don’t have to understand me when I talk. They don’t dare talk back because I’ll just talk louder. If they don’t know covfefe, I’ll just have the books rewritten and there it is in print.

People are so ignorant. They need me to tell them.

I have my own people. I can pick and choose, throw away the rotten ones. They do the work for me, write the plans so I don’t have to, do the laws the right way.

I own the world. I can make all those countries mine. Canada, Greenland, that’s just a start.

People say why not make Mexico a state? I say no, it’s full of dirty brown Mexicans on drugs. They can stay a colony and work for me, without pay, because I don’t pay my workers.

I’ve got it rigged so I’ll be here forever. You can’t get rid of me.

I control my medical records so the doctors can’t reveal the miracle drugs. The IRS can’t release my tax records because that’s nobody’s business. The colleges can’t release my transcripts because the professors don’t want to reveal how smart I am.

And women. Nobody has ever, even though they keep trying. I can stuff their mouth with money, grope when I grab, hang out with the boys to trade brag stories, and shut up anybody who tries to complain. I know what women are for.

Some people who do history say we’ve seen it all before. I’m proving them wrong. It’s my sacred cause, because nobody has ever.